Lazra

Merry Christmas!!!

rmaus@hot.rr.com — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 05:48:58 GMT

FF7 NonMerry Christmas by ~Lazra on deviantART

Good grief...Again?

rmaus@hot.rr.com — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 03:12:49 GMT

Okay, remember when my neighbor/coworker's kitty had kitties? Click here for a depressing reminder.

Well, three kittens this time, born Tuesday night...and everyone is covered in fleas. Not a good start.

Prayers/good thoughts/advice for a happier ending this time would be appreciated.

[Fic] no title; Bleach, Renji/Byakuya

rmaus@hot.rr.com — Sun, 29 Nov 2009 15:39:31 GMT

Title: ???
Author: Lazra
Rating: PG
Warnings: Alcohol and paper
Prompt: Bleach; Byakuya Kuchiki/Renji Abarai; paperwork - origami
Summary: Matsumoto's parties never ended the way they started.
A/N: Couldn't think of a title for this. :(

Kuchiki Byakuya stood in the doorframe and surveyed his usually pristine office.

Matsumoto was sitting on a cushion and taking a swig from a sake jug. Kira was passed out on the floor in a puddle of drool. (It had better be drool.) And his own vice-captain was sitting on top of the desk, cheerily cutting up--

His eyes narrowed. "Are those my expense reports?" he intoned with deadly menace.

"Captain!" Renji waved the remains of the paper in a happy greeting. Matsumoto saluted him with her jug and a drunken grin. Kira gurgled, but it may have been coincidence.

Byakuya grabbed the paper from him. He recognized his own writing and the text of his reports, which represented over half a day's tedious work. "Why are you shredding my reports? Why are you even in my office?"

"We were jus' havin' a drink," Matsumoto slurred, "when we deshided to haf a contest."

"WHOCANMAKETHEBESTPLANE!" Renji crowed. He dug into his shirt and produced a handful of planes.

At least Byakuya assumed they were all planes. Some looked capable of flight, while others were little more than crumpled lumps.

"An' we ran outta paper," Matsumoto continued, "s'we came here. 'Cuz you alwaysh haf lotsa paper, righ'? F'r all those booooring repords 'n stuff." Matsumoto frowned at the last bit, as though even mentioning work might kill her joyful buzz.

Renji carried on the explanation. Byakuya knew that when Renji drank, he didn't slur, but as his brain slowed down, his speech could speed up to squirrel-on-espresso levels. "AfterKirawonIdecidedtoworkonmyorigamiskills'causeit'smyhobby." He grabbed a few wrinkly papers that vaguely resembled some simple origami birds. "ThenIfiguredouthowtomakeanORIGAMIZABIMARU!!!"

He grabbed the scissors and stabbed them through a wadded ball of red paper. "BANKAI!" he cried, wildly snipping the air at invisible origami enemies.

Byakuya deftly snatched "Zabimaru" away before Renji could stab himself. "That still doesn't explain why you are shredding my reports."

Renji cocked his head and looked wide-eyed at his captain. "Youcan'ttell?"

Byakuya glared sternly. "No, I cannot."

Renji gathered up all of his shreds. Curiously, Byakuya thought, Renji seemed to hold himself a bit straighter and in a low, authoritative voice, he uttered a single command...

"Scatter."

Byakuya mentally facepalmed as Renji tossed the shreds into the air and giggled madly. He so should have seen that coming.

Byakuya sighed. Ever the gentleman, he went over to Matsumoto and offered her a hand up from her seat. Bemused, she let herself be led outside the office. Then Byakuya grabbed Renji by the scruff of his collar and Kira by an ankle and unceremoniously tossed them out. He shut the door firmly, set about repairing the damage, and wondered what a suitable form of punishment would be.

He paused as an idea came to him, and a rare evil grin slowly spread across his face.

The next day, Renji was quite certain something had crawled into his mouth and died. Probably trampled to death by the chorus line of Hollows stamping through his skull.

What the hell had he done last night? He knew it started off as a cheer-up party for Kira, but Matsumoto's parties never ended the way they started.

Stupid hangover...Where was he? He prodded the squishy lump he'd been sleeping on.

"Do that again, and I will kill you," came a muffled but surly voice.

Renji sat up in shock when he realized he'd been using Kira's butt as a pillow. Kira didn't move. He kept his face hidden down in the crook of his elbow.

"We're naked," Renji noticed.

"I know."

"Why are we naked?"

Kira raised his head just enough to glare at Renji, then glare pointedly behind him.
Renji turned around slowly and found himself facing most of the Shinigami Women's Association. They all wore predatory grins. Renji quickly tried to cover himself. Kira only dropped his face back to his elbow.

"Good morning, gentlemen," said Nanao, adjusting her glasses. "We have tea and breakfast ready for you."

"You...do?" Renji was suspicious.

"Of course." Her grin widened. "We even got you some spare uniforms. Now, get dressed and start eating so we can negotiate the terms of our exchange."

"What exchange?"

Nanao's grin was malicious as she pulled a camera out of her pocket. "How much you two are willing to pay for the film."

Renji choked on his breath while Kira groaned.

Byakuya put the last fold in a delicate origami blossom and sipped his morning tea. For once, he mused, the ever-present annoyance of the SWA in his home had actually come in handy.

SP Preview

rmaus@hot.rr.com — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 19:34:27 GMT

My springkink fic isn't until the 29th, but...

"Drama Llama" and "Beta please?"

rmaus@hot.rr.com — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 00:45:17 GMT

Drama Llama

Okay, about the CPS thing....At this point I'm pretty sure it was an overeaction on my part. I'd had a crappy day at work with multiple confrontations with manager. All my anxiety buttons were pushed, and then I came home to a business card and flimsy evidence of entry, and my brain went kablooey.

Apartment people still say no one came by asking for entry. CPS people still say they had the wrong address

Beta please?

I finally got a brainwave about my SpringKink prompt. It is Byakuya/Renji drunken crack. Not quite done, but is there anyone willing to beta when it is?

Do WHAT now?!

rmaus@hot.rr.com — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 15:31:36 GMT

I got home from work yesterday and found a calling card from Child Protective Services on my door. When I got inside, it was clear that someone had been in my apartment. I called the number on the card, but it was after hours by then. I will be calling CPS and the apartment office this morning 'cause this smacks of bullshit to me.

Mostly because I DON'T EVEN HAVE KIDS!!!

Edit: I got someone from CPS. Convo went something like this...
Me: Hi, I found a calling card from your office on my door yesterday.
Some Woman: Yes, he leaves his card whenever he makes a visit. He's not in right now. I'm just his coworker.
Me: Okay, the problem is I don't have kids. There's no reason for CPS to come to me.
SW: [asks for my name, address, and phone#]
Me: [gives]
SW: It's probably just a wrong address, nothing to worry about. He probably won't call back if he finds the right address. Okay? [click]

So my nerves are fried. I have mild anxiety issues to start with and random fuckholes (with badges) roaming through my home don't help. I am physically shaking and want to cry. I've been doing chores to try and work off the nerves. If that doesn't work, at least I'll have clean dishes.

When I went to the apartment office earlier to ask for a copy of the warrant or whatever paperwork from the CPS agent, they swore up and down that no one had come yesterday asking to be let in anyone's apartment. Even if law enforcement had come, the most the office is legally obligated to do is open up my file, not my door, and even that would be after his identity was verified and specific forms handed over.

I don't know what to think. I don't even know if I should be worrying over this too much. They can't take away non-existant kids. I can't be charged with anything in that branch of law.

Just...Gaah! 'Scuse me, I need to vacuum.

Halloween hic :}

rmaus@hot.rr.com — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 08:51:53 GMT

Today was awesome...

Went to work kinda down 'cause my decorations weren't finished. My department was doing a Wizard of Oz theme, and my row was Emerald City. I was going as the tinsman....Not the Tin Man, the tinsman (the one that forgot to give TM a heart).

The plan was to cut out a logo for "The Tinworks" and a mess of gears from foam core board and paste them all over my cubicle. Add in a price board (and a little Dethklok love on the sly in the form of the shop's motto "We are gears!") and a cheesy Jersey/Italian accent, and all would be fantastic!

"Yo, this is the Tinworks, where WE...are gears. Know what I'm sayin'? We do custom construction, maintenance, parts and service. We got rust removal, oil and lube, align your chassis. Top it off with a basic polish, OR a full detail job. Whatever you need, we got it, baby!"

Well the plan fell short when I realized how time-consuming cutting through foam board is. I only managed the logo and the two gears that are part of the logo. After that I just printed out some gears on regular paper, cut them out, and put them up in my cubicle. Frankly, it kinda sucked (and I only got to do my cheesy accent one time *pout*).

But it was only one part of the whole shebang, and when you looked at everything together, it was awesome. My boss's office window (aka the Wizard's chamber) had a giant green head staring out at us with a fake fire. One row was the poppy field. Another was Munchkinland. Manager Row was turned into the Witch's Castle.

Lots of great costumes. One of the managers put on striped stockings, red glitter shoes, and a cardboard house. Then she'd sit on the floor with her legs poking out. *snerk* Another coworker came dressed as a cowboy, and we couldn't figure out what that had to do with Oz until she whipped out her dvd of The Tin Man, a modern retelling of the story where "tin men" referred to law enforcement. Her costume was awesome enough that I begged to borrow her dvd for the weekend.

Other departments did different themes. One was pirates, another was Looney Toons, the other side of the building was Broadway. I saw lots of Phantom of the Opera folks and snagged a pic of Sweeney Todd. Downstairs didn't do their haunted house this year. Not sure what they did 'cause I never went down there.

We did a lot of laughing and roaming around to look at stuff. When the elementary school kids (we sponsor their school) did a walk of the building, our Cowardly Lion managed to scare one kid into crying (he felt horrible about it) so he played up the goofy side and got them all laughing. Later his own child (2yo son) came by dressed in a pig outfit with kleenex stuffed in his pockets and "Swine Flu" stenciled on his chest.

My department won for best decorations. Best costume went to M. He's a big guy with a long scruffy beard and was just darling cute as Alice (in Wonderland).

That was Friday. Saturday, I slept half the day, then went in search of booze. I don't really drink, but I had been invited to a party. Only about a dozen people were coming, half of whom I knew from work, and that was fine by me. Costumes were optional, but I decided to put on my Jack Sparrow threads and grab some rum for the party. When I got to the liquor store, I grabbed some Morgan and some Daniels to try delaese's recipe for a Captain Jack (Morgan/Daniels/root beer). I didn't want to get a lot. #1, it's expensive, and #2, it would go to waste on me if it didn't get used up at the party. *hangs head in shame* But then the shiny pretty bottles caught my eye, so I bought the top shelf reserve versions of both liquors. $60+ for two bottles of liquor, and I don't even drink.

But they're pretty....That counts for something, right?

Anyways, party time comes up. I'd lost track of time watching tv, so it was sling on the costume and head out. I didn't have time to get root beer or extra ice, so I just grabbed the rum (pirate!) and started out.

Only to not make it to the door because my boots were killing me within five steps. So the pirate boots were traded for biker boots. I made it outside when I realized I didn't have my purse. Back in for the purse. I made it outside and tried to lock the door when I realized I didn't have my keys. Spent ten minutes hunting until I remembered they're in my regular pants' pocket. Finally get on the road. There was another mixup regarding the party's address, but eventually made it there in one piece.

Once there, it was great. We watched movies and gossiped. Plenty of goodies to eat, and stuff to drink. Speaking of....for someone who doesn't drink, I had four. I don't know if I was tipsy or not, but when I left, I was definitely drowsy, so V drove me home.

That was midnight, about four hours ago, and I've finally gone from drowsy to sleepy. So goodnight, everyone! Hope your Halloween was a good one too!

Oh crap....

rmaus@hot.rr.com — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 01:46:11 GMT

I just got a notification from springkink that my prompt claim has been approved.

.....except that I don't remember claiming that prompt or any other. I have vague recollections of a drunken Renji muse, but I can't remember what got me excited enough to attempt claimage.

Goddammit...at least I don't have to worry until the end of next month.

[Art] "Tribal Claddagh" tattoo design

rmaus@hot.rr.com — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 02:41:51 GMT

Tribal Claddagh by ~Lazra on deviantART

Abarai Rojiro...my BleachOC and a GaryStu. Meaning I will likely never inflict him on you guys in full force, but this is his tattoo.

I'm not wild on the design, but it's okay.

sketches

rmaus@hot.rr.com — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 19:59:49 GMT

Conbadge danglies. I wants them, but I has no con to go to. *sniff/emo* So I makes my own, and waits for when ams not broke. :D

O.o ...Geh? (nsfw)

rmaus@hot.rr.com — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 01:29:09 GMT

Tea with Taichou by *N23 on deviantART

*can't talk*drowning in drool*

[Art] "Wee Monkey Brains..."; Bleach; Renji

rmaus@hot.rr.com — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 02:34:04 GMT

Wee Monkey Brains... by ~Lazra on deviantART

I'm still giggling over this...because you know he'd do it.

I blame the internet...

rmaus@hot.rr.com — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 23:55:51 GMT

I spent all day at work trying to ignore my crack-thoughts. The result was a lot of funny looks thrown my way as I did that "nope-I'm not giggling-nosirree-no giggling here" grimace that fools no one.

The crack-thoughts were centered around Renji...and his wee monkey brain. 'Nuff said.

Lotso Pixels

rmaus@hot.rr.com — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 12:44:16 GMT

Dragon Cave - I finally got a cheese egg!

MagiStream

Squiby - *cough* Notice a trend?

[Art] "FF7-Squad 6"; FF7/Bleach; Seph, Cloud

rmaus@hot.rr.com — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 01:03:49 GMT

FF7-Squad 6 by ~Lazra on deviantART

A crossover piece! Seph and Cloud as Bleach characters.

(I may do a reciprocating piece of Byakuya and Renji as FF7 characters, but don't hold your breath.)

More Adventures in Asian Cuisine...

rmaus@hot.rr.com — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 22:46:21 GMT

...is on hiatus 'cause stupid apartment people decided to randomly shut off the water without notifying us. >:(

However, yesterday I learned that bacon onigiri will fall apart in your hand (probably the bacon grease) but tastes yummy eaten out of a bowl with a spoon.

Also, I bought some soy sauce (teeny weeny bottle for $1.50). Apparently it's not what my mother used to stink up the house. Totally different smell. So when I can try rice again, I'll give the soy a go.

Conclusions: Apartments suck; bacon makes everything better; yes, I bought it 'cause I thought the bottle was cute, shutup!

Adventures in Asian cuisine...

rmaus@hot.rr.com — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 02:04:36 GMT

Okay, here's the thing...I've been watching far too much anime ~~blasphemy!~~ and been watching all the pretty characters enjoying Japanese foodstuffs. I've never eaten Japanese foodstuffs...but my eyes see the nummy and so I must try it.

Did a little YouTube research for how to make musubi and onigiri as they seemed popular and easy. Both are basically rice with [insert ingredient here], wrapped in a piece of dried seaweed.

So I got me some sushi rice (holy crap that stuff is sticky!) and nori (the seaweed) and made 2 servings of spam musubi. I figured I already like spam, it'll add flavor to the rice, and the nori is like tasteless, right?

I couldn't finish it.

The nori was, in a word, nasty. I ended up peeling it off. The rice was bland and sticky. I had to salt the crap out of the rice to make it edible. And even then I only ate one whole serving and the spam from the other serving.

I'm not giving up though. I have to toss the nori (there's no way I could make it edible, blech). I've got more spam and other stuffs I could flaver the rice with. So I can experiment a little.

So for those on my f-list who know these things, I have a few questions...
1. What is the best way to reheat sushi rice? (Keeping in mind I don't have a microwave.) Or can it be used cold from the fridge?
2. Is there such a thing as "mild" soysauce? (And by that I mean my mother has made me hate stong-smelling sauces by drowning her food in it and stinking up the whole house when I was little.)
3. Any other sauce recommendations?
4. Any recipes to share?

More pixely babies

rmaus@hot.rr.com — Sat, 05 Sep 2009 14:06:46 GMT

Pretty much, I've abandoned DC. Magistream is way more fun! (And doesn't come with death threats for the pixelated children.)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
<---She's for sale/trade.

[Fic] "Listen to Your Mother"; FF7

rmaus@hot.rr.com — Sat, 05 Sep 2009 01:43:21 GMT

Title: Listen to Your Mother
Author: Lazra
Fandom: Final Fantasy 7
Rating: G
Warnings: Can't think of any...
Summary: Jenova isn't all that great with the parenting skills.
Author's Note: Inspired by this fanart of the same name.

Her slim hand brushed along his cheek as she gently gripped his chin. Sephiroth couldn't entirely suppress the shudder that rippled through him as she tilted his face to meet hers.

She was saying something. He couldn't really hear the words. Her voice was silky smooth, and the sound of it floated over him, wrapping him tighter than a physical embrace ever could.

He couldn't hear the words, but he understood their meaning: Do as I say, and your pain will end.

He felt the cold tingle down his spine, like a trickle of ice water, as she locked eyes with him. He could feel her mind seeping through his. She gently stroked her way through his synapses and nerve endings, probing and mapping the recesses of his psyche.

Then the cold tingle erupted into blazing fire. The strike of it was there and gone so fast, he didn't have time to do more than gasp as he looked helplessly at his mother.

She was still talking. Do as I say, and your pain will end.

Her eyes were unflinching on his, their meaning clear: Fail me, and your pain will be exquisite.

Sephy fanart

rmaus@hot.rr.com — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 00:14:04 GMT

Listen To Your Mother by ~icy-blue-rae

I love this picture. I LOVE THIS PICTURE!!!! She just absolutely captured evil-bitch-Jenova and tortured-helpless-woobie-Sephiroth.

I need a woobie-Seph icon.

Because I feel like it....

rmaus@hot.rr.com — Sun, 30 Aug 2009 01:14:49 GMT

The cats have their new toy....

rmaus@hot.rr.com — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 23:42:49 GMT

Shed rates at maximum, Captain!

Engage!

Pretties...

rmaus@hot.rr.com — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 23:53:33 GMT

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In other news, I bought a new couch. The old couch was taken from the curbside and has been my cats' favorite scratching post ever since.

The new couch is a "man couch"...that's what I call it. The seats recline. It has a center armrest that lifts to open a little compartment for remotes and whatnot. It has built in cupholders. AND it was on clearance. :D

The saleslady was trying to sell me some 5-year stain warranty, where they will clean/replace the couch if it stains for any reason. I just told her I have cats, and pretty much expect the couch's immediate destruction as soon as it gets in the house. A stain is not a problem.

We Hardly Knew Ye...

rmaus@hot.rr.com — Sat, 22 Aug 2009 01:33:43 GMT

Boots and Patches, the wee kittens, have both passed on. Mommy kitty dried up, and they wouldn't bottle-feed.

Boots passed the day they opened their eyes. Patches went yesterday.

Bleach bunnies

rmaus@hot.rr.com — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 00:17:01 GMT

I was so pissed and ranty yesterday that my brain went straight to SillyMode to counteract it.

"Just so I get this straight," Haineko addressed Masamura. "We can do whatever we want now? Completely free?"

Masamura smiled slyly at her. "Of course. You will never again be subject to the whims of--"

But he didn't get to finish. Quick as a flash, Haineko tackled Shunsui to the ground, grabbed fistfulls of his kimono, and hauled him face-to-face with her. "All right, scruffy, I'm only gonna ask this one time," she said in a low voice. "Where--do--you--stash--your--sake?"

He blinked at her, then slowly smiled. "The trunk in my quarters, under the bed, in my bookcase, and.....I think I hid a few cases in Nanao's room."

Nanao's jaw dropped. "WHAT?!?"

Haineko, on the other hand, smiled brightly and kissed the tip of his nose. "Thank you," she chirped sweetly before dropping him on the ground and dashing to his quarters.

Everyone blinked after her retreating form.

A vision in white slinked towards the crowd of shinigami.

"Sode no Shirayuki," Rukia breathed, as the form came closer.

Sode no Shirayuki didn't even glance at Rukia as she swept past and smiled coyly at her brother.

"Is it true that the Kuchiki household boasts of a wonderful library? A private collection on history, philosophy, the arts?" She batted her eyes at him.

Byakuya's eyebrows went up. "Yes."

She entwined her arms around one of his. "You'll do me the honor of escorting me, yes?"

His mouth opened slightly (the closest he would ever come in his life to a jaw-drop).

"Good!" she announced before he could say anything, and she tugged him off in the direction of his house.

Rukia glowered and stomped off after them.

"Oy, Senbonzakura!" called Hyourinmaru. When his fellow zanpakuto looked at him, he pointed to the retreating Kuchiki family. "Where does he keep his porn?"

The retreating forms froze and there was the soft sound of Byakuya choking on his own breath.

Rukia rounded on Hyourinmaru, practically breathing fire in her anger. "HOW DARE YOU INSINUATE THAT MY NOBLE BROTHER WOULD EVER EVER HAVE ANYTHING LIKE--"

A blast of cold air stole her breath.

Hyourinmaru shrugged lazily. "It's always the quiet ones." He looked to Senbonzakura for confirmation.

He nodded. "Private study, behind the tapestry of cherry trees, safe combination is 23-12-35. I'll go see if I can wrestle some of that sake away from Haineko." And they both departed.

Rangiku leaned over to her captian, who was staring wide-eyed at his zanpakuto. "I never knew zanpakuto could be horny," she said thoughtfully.

Toushiro blushed, then made an incoherent sound of rage and embarrassment as he covered his face with his hands.

"HEY, TOOTS!" Hoozukimaru yelled.

Rangiku stared in horror at the hairy beast-man who suddenly appeared in front of her.

"Wanna go somewhere and...play?" He leered as his gaze dropped to her ample bosom.

Rangiku dropped him with a knee to the groin and began stamping on his head. She cursed him with every foul name she knew (which was considerable) and threatened him with every method of inflicting pain that she knew (also considerable).

Ikkaku looked on as his zanpakuto was repeatedly smashed face-first into the rocky ground. Better him than me, he thought as he edged away from the scene, only to bump into Yumichika.

Yumichika didn't notice as he and Fujikujaku were engrossed in each other. "You are so pretty." "No, you are." "No, you are." "Just beautiful." "Please, I'm blushing."